Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
And then he peed in my hair
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