Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
