At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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