Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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