How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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