i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
