im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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