So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
