This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
how does that bad decision feel?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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