That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
