She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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