i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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