I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
