Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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