New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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