Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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