Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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