just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
