I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
