You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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