she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
