I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
