one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize