Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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