i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
