"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
