He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
