Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
