Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
