Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
