ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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