we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
