he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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