im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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