I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it was like eating out sand paper
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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