I think I died a long time ago.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
