He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
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Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
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This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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