Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
