The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
