Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
