My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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