I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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