these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
