I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
