I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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