can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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