I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
