No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
