literally had 100 drinks last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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