She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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