morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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