Jerry, you need to find god
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
