he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I want a musical about memes.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
