So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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