OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
