She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
sex in a hospital.. check
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
