We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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