There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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