Define "chronic" masturbator.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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