she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
