I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
