Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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