....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
