yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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