Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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